Bad News: We Are All Dead, So Says Facebook

Got some real cheery and sobering news: you and a whole other chunk of people are dead, at least according to Facebook. If you weren’t informed, then perhaps old Saint Peter up there had much other important things to do than to inform ungrateful you of your sad demise and glorious exit to the great beyond. And now that you do know, adieus and you’re donating some of your rather expensive stereo equipment to me might be in order. Oh, no, am dead too!

As of late Friday, lots of users on cracking open their profiles were greeted with banners announcing their death and extolling their supposed virtues. Much like the hired mourners you can hire pretty much anywhere to furiously cry and wail away at the funeral of the bereaved they did not even know.  We gleefully quote the Facebook memorial statement:

“Remembering -the supposed deceased name-, we hope people who love -the supposed deceased- will find comfort in the things others share to remember, and celebrate their life.

Oh, come on Facebook, assuming I did die is this the best you can do? Hmpppff!

The deadly issue was promptly resolved within an hour, but the specific cause remains unclear. Was it an assassin bug, a hack or an extremely annoyed employee who choose a particularly creative and yes epic way of showing his grievances, and numerously deadly they must be? After a tense hour though, a spokesperson for the company reported the killings due to a lone bug on a deadly mission. A particularly deadly bug am sure. Hope they have alerted the Center for Disease Control anyway.

Are you Facebook dead? Better pinch yourself and then hit yourself over the head with a sledgehammer to find out. After all, one can’t be too careful these days with the walking dead reportedly seen strolling about everywhere.


Gabriel has always been fascinated by gadgets and tech. And absolutely can't wait to share his knowledge and infect you with his passion.

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